Entries in Pork (6)


Episode 8: Sausage Carbonara, Arranged for Cello

And a New Year begins! I, however, am not going to start the year looking forward. No, instead I shall cast my eye back to October of last year, shortly after I launched this site. I had two videos, and was suddenly bit with the bug to record more. I thought I had it all figured out: I just set up my cameras and cook, right? And it was a week where I was home fairly early. Thus began the lost week, where I recorded 3 & 1/5 meals for this show (the 1/5 was one I bailed on partway due to total camera battery failure. Stupid chargers). I then organised the video into folders and crammed it away on my hard drive. I then tried to edit together the episode you're seeing today. "I've got multiple cameras" said I, "Wouldn't it be cool if I had synced up overlaid video on video so you could see stuff happening from two angles?" Yes, it might have been cool, but it was incredibly frustrating and damn near impossible with my editing program & current PC setup. I got 5 hours into editing, the compy crashed, and I ragequit. Weeks afterward, I got inspired and shot, edited, and released the PandaDoodles episode. Later, I got better equipment, and started thinking of things as a shoot first, and a meal second, shooting more handheld, and actually thinking about what I wanted to do before I did it. I made more episodes, like the Sugo Alla Babe & Nirvana Fish. Still those lost episodes sat on my hard drive. "I've got several episodes in the can." I thought. "It's time to relax." Well, relax no longer, because the first of these has been set loose! Behold! 
(warning: due to copyright D-baggery, video not available on mobile devices)
This is actually the first episode of the show where I did not like the video results: the music came out a bit screechy, the iPad's video does not look great in low light (especially zoomed), my iPhone was in portrait mode for no reason, and I feel the running gags ran a bit too often. However! The recipe is so good that I felt I needed to show you guys.
The advice in the video is true, too: do not overstir your carbonara in the last step. It will go like scrambled eggs & lose the lovely silky texture.
The theme this time (obviously) is strings! Cellos and violas abound.
Killing In The Name - FourPlay String Quartet, from "Fourthcoming", 2009
Tanja and I went to see Neil Gaiman at the Factory Theatre recently. We'd seen Neil before, but this time he was backed up by the Fourplay String Quartet. And no, they are not that awful contemporary jazz outfit I always hated shelving when I worked at Borders. These guys are amazing. They play original compositions as well as covers, but that evening, it was their wild and note-perfect cover of Rage Against the Machine that had me sitting with my mouth open, astounded that the iconic Tom Morello guitar sound could come out of a violin. The recorded version loses some of the wildness, and borders on shrill at times, but I had to include it. Go buy all of their things.
Hall of the Mountain King - Apocalyptica, from "Cult", 2000
Apocalyptica Plays Metallica For 4 Cellos. It was a storied album. Among the metal fans of my high school days, it was debated to be a myth. A guy know a guy whose brother had it on vinyl. Classical musicians playing Metallica? Classical musicians knew who Metallica was?! I glimpsed a bootleg tape of it behind the counter at (ha!) an underground music shop in Fredericton, New Brunswick (which meant it was a guy leasing space from a pawn shop & selling stuff out of milk crates), selling for the princely sum of $35, which I could not afford. Much, much later, and I now own their entire discography, because you see, Apocalyptica do more than Metallica. They do it all. Epically. Their treatment of a suitably epic bit of classical music only shows that all the more.
Brand New Key - Rasputina, from "Thanks for the Ether", 1996
Ah, yet another band I learned from Buffy. Rasputina's song "Transylvanian Concubine" was featured in a season 2 episode and proved excellent for a vampire birthday party & a bugfuck crazy Juliet Landau dancing with herself. Using burgeoning file-sharing services, I found a few other songs and found that while Rasputina were weird, quirky, obsessed with Victorian references, dark, scary and funny at times, they were never boring. Their take on Melanie's 1971 pop classic, with its gentle innuendo and childish vocals, is tied with the Dollyrots punk outing as my favourite version of the song. Of the song itself, I had a great deal to say about it, but I can't find the book I read it from, damnit. I thought it was one of my Tom Reynolds books, but it isn't. Bugger. 

Sausage Carbonara For Cello makes 2 enormous servings.
What to Get:
4 raw pork sausages (got Pork Toulouse, or a similarly types with one or two flavours, avoid generic "Italian" sausages as it doesn't go)
4 rashers bacon
2 eggs
100 mL cream
1 lemon
1 zucchini
50g Parmesan cheese
250g dry Spaghetti
1 bunch flat-leaf parsley
olive oil
  1. Put a pot of boiling water on high heat. Add oil & salt, then your pasta.
  2. Top & tails your zucchini, cut it once lengthwise, then chop finely.
  3. Put a frying pan on medium heat with some oil in it.
  4. Slit each sausage lengthwise & squeeze the meat out of the skins. Make each former snag into 5 little spheres.
  5. When the pan is hot, cook the meatballs on their own for 6 minutes, flipping them about every now & again.
  6. While that's going on, derindify & chop your bacon into strips.
  7. After the 6 minutes is up, add the zucchini & bacon to the pan and shake it all about. Let it cook, stirring occasionally, until the bacon is crispy and the veg is soft.
  8. Get a bowl to be your EggBowl. Seperate 2 eggs, and put the yolks in the EggBowl, along with 100mL cream & beat.
  9. Grate your 50g of parmesan, add half to the EggBowl, se the rest aside.
  10. Zest half of the lemon, and add the zest to the EggBowl.
  11. Tear your parsley bunch in half, and chop up the top half, adding to the eggbowl & beating again.
  12. Drain your spaghetti, reserving a bit of the water.
  13. Use tongs to put the warm spaghetti on top of the egg mix. Don't stir it together, just splat it on top. The noodles will start to cook the mix.
  14. Once the bacon is crispy, add your egg-and-noodles-mix to the pan & mix VERY GENTLY. I'm serious. Just-JUST combine it. Then take it off the heat & let it sit. If it looks a little dry, add a bit of the saved pasta water.
  15. Divide the pasta into two bowls, making sure to divide the meatballs evenly. Top with the leftover cheese, and some more parsley.
  16. Seize, and consume!

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